It is most difficult to leave her when she is awake. I stammer goodbye at least three times while she is hoisted up over Grandma's shoulder, her evolving blue eyes blinking at me with fresh grown lashes. She doesn't know that I am leaving for work nor does she cognitively comprehend my attempts at reassurance that I love her dearly. According to the developmental books, she only has a 10 second memory at this stage. It's possible that I am forgotten once I am gone and she has batted her lashes another eight times. Unlike me who day dreams of our reunion.
Maybe it is too soon to miss my previous life- the one where I luxuriously scheduled a hair cut with minimal time restrictions. 3:30 on a Wednesday? I'll be there! It is true that my super fun solo outings now involve the fruit market where I bask in taking a few moments to marvel at the varieties of berries. These are good times. Recently I was driving down Wilson Avenue and I had a strong desire to round up Ben, Pat, Kelly, and Emily and head to Bangers and Lace. The way the wind shield was dotted with a misty rain and the early darkness of a November evening made me nostalgic for friends, a corn dog, soft pretzel dipped in chocolate stout mustard, and an Allagash White beer in Wicker Park. That and I missed Emily's birthday outing this year which was sad. But mostly I love just being with my husband and daughter. Other than the two scenarios described above, I cannot think of another moment where I wanted it to just be just me and Ben. Or just me. I'm sure this will change when the little one starts walking and has unreasonable demands but for now I cannot think of many other places I would rather be than cuddled on the couch, watching an episode of What Not to Wear or reading Click Clack Moo.
(Now the always-in-need-of-re-stocking do-I-have-enough-wipes? diaper bag... THAT is something I would be okay never having to tote again.)
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